You are loved! You ARE love! Sadly, between the clutter and confusion in our world, we seem to have lost sight of this truth. Funny thing is there is so much “out there” in our world about love. There are books on how to get it, how to keep it, how to have more of it, how to make it, and even how to NOT make it.

I, like many, sense that this is a powerful time in our evolution where a brand new paradigm of the experience, expression, and expansion of love is making itself known. Moreover, I believe we are the bridging link between the old ways of loving and a new paradigm that is more authentic and fulfilling for us as individuals and as a people. The challenge is in being the bridge. We’re literally stuck in the middle. On one side are the ways we were taught to love by our parents, grandparents, and “tribe.” We’ve absorbed these lessons and they are imprinted on our hearts and in our thinking. Beckoning ever so gently yet incessantly on the other side is the way our true nature - one of pure unlimited love and potential.

To get to that side, we must redefine our beliefs on love. The first step is deciding consciously and purposefully that there is no “wrong” love. It is very easy and common in our current conversations to say things like, “My Mom and Dad never loved each other.” Or, “I wasn’t loved the way I should have been or needed to be.” Or, “I don’t know how to love.” Another pitfall to avoid is, “Well, they did the best they could.”

These statements have their purpose in terms of recognizing our wounds and bringing them up for healing, but there comes an important time in our spiritual journey when we are called to recognize that Love absolutely is, was, and will forever be present in every situation. I am talking about a very deep awakening of the Love that is not only within us, but IS us. I believe that we chose the exact parents and family that would best serve our spiritual awakening. This Truth statement, when embraced, takes us out of our victim-hood and creates an opening for empowerment, change, and revelation.

For generations, love has been regarded as a reward for when you accomplished something deserving of it like a hot fudge sundae. My childhood experience of love, like most of us, was what could be called “conditional.” When I was “good,” I got love, when I was “bad” or not behaving the way I was “supposed to” then love was withheld. For years, I blamed my parents, grandparents, and other adults in my life for my inability to give and receive love as an adult. Hey, it wasn’t my fault, right? They didn’t teach me how to do it. That story served me for a long time, but one day I realized that no matter how many times I told it, it wouldn’t do anything to change it. (A definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results!) I finally understood I needed to change my perception of love and the paradigm I had been indoctrinated into. I began by deciding that I WAS loved, that I WAS cared for.  That felt alot deeper than “they did the best they could.”

By giving up my “story,” I had created an opening for something new to fill the void. I felt so much better focusing on the ways I was loved, even if in the beginning I had a hard time thinking of anything. Focusing on one positive experience from my childhood felt a heck of a lot better than focusing on 1000 wrongs. Experiencing this I decided to go with the “God is in everything, therefore it’s all good” and see where it took me.

Where that decision took me is the second and most important step in redefining love. I had to choose to love myself . . . period. I chose to do all the goofy affirmations, self-talk, and mirror work that is so popular in our New Thought and self-help movements. In the process of doing this, I discovered the reason I considered them cheesy and goofy – it was because I felt so, so uncomfortable doing them! It wasn’t easy to stand in the bathroom, look into my eyes and say, “I love you.” It was hard to write love letters to myself in my journal and to remember to do it consistently. I wrote and said affirmations even though a voice in my head was saying, “this is a waste of time.” I persevered because I believe God is Love. I believe Love can work miracles like heal cancer, transform relationships, and “move mountains,” so why couldn’t It shift my mountain of negative beliefs? All God asked of me was that I simply show up for myself.

Well, show up for myself I did, and continue to do so. I put out publicly and shamelessly that I love pausing and telling myself “I love you” in the mirror. I not only tell myself “I love you,” but I also tell myself how proud I am of me, and how strong and good I am. I just pile it on me… and why not? I figure, I’m one with God, and God is really, really, awesome so I am too! I’m making light, but I really am serious when I tell you that showering myself with self-loving words, actions and deeds was and is a powerful and purposeful way to redefine love within ourselves. Please, try it. Take a little time each day to love and appreciate yourself, not for things you’ve done our accomplished, but simply because you are.

Finally, the third way to truly redefine Love in your life is to see it as a living, powerful, and transformational energy field that is within and without you. Speak to Love. Make it a habit to ask throughout your day . . . “what would love do?” And take the time to pause and listen. It will give you absolute clear direction. I’m amazed at how many times Love says to me, “simply do nothing.” Man, that one bugs me because I have to bite my tongue, resist the impulse to take action, and most importantly, resist the desire to defend myself. The more I allow Love to direct my every thought, word and action the more I am discovering how powerful Love is in its non-resistance. My fear was that if I was passive and non-resistant then I would be a doormat for people or someone who has no backbone. It is actually quite the opposite. Love is not wimpy or wishy-washy. Love is strong, clear, and when I allow it, creates better boundaries then my fear or ego ever could. I remember reading a long time ago in “A Message from Mary,” that Love is stronger than electricity, stronger than an atomic bomb but we don’t know how to use it . . . yet. That passage from the book has stayed with me because I believe it is true.

Today, right now, there is a new way to love each other and ourselves that is deep, authentic, and true. A Love that is honoring, respectful, empowering, JOYFUL (I had to put that in caps), sexy, strong and deep. I hope that you will choose it for yourself today. Don’t wait. Standing in the middle of the bridge, afraid and unsure is not fun, to say the least. If you knew how free and fabulous you would feel at the other side of the bridge, you would run with all your might to get there. I say RUN. Let’s all run towards Love!

–Rev. Mark Anthony Lord is founding Minister of The Center for Spiritual Living,
A Community in Chicago whose mission is to Reveal Love, Honor All Paths, and Celebrate Life.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 18th, 2008 at 1:51 am and is filed under Articles & Misc. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.